Ninja Facts

  • If you see a ninja, he is NOT a ninja
  • Ninja swords are always straight with a square handle guard. Always. Curves are for girls.
  • Unlike humans, Ninjas can lick their elbows.
  • Ninjas can spit into the wind without any ill effects whatsoever...
  • Ninjas can see the flapping wings of a hummingbird with stark clarity, as well as the spinning blades of a fan.
  • Ninjas can NOT be killed by bullits.
  • Only a ninja can kill a ninja. Regular humans are useless.
  • Ninjas don't give a shit about Samurais.
  • Ninjas don't give two shits about the Illuminati.
  • Ninjas DO NOT wear body armor.
  • In the hands of a Ninja, a yo yo can be a deadly weapon.
  • A cobra once bit the Ninja's led. After 5 days of incredible pain, the cobra died.
  • Ninja can change clothes in less than 1 second.
  • Ninja can change your skin into clothes in less than 1/2 second.
  • Ninja don't play sports. Unless killing is a sport.
  • Ninja can crush golfballs with 2 fingers, any two fingers.
  • Ninjas can live in your house secretly for days.
  • Ninjas can split planks vertically with their nose.
  • Ninjas can kill anyone. They are way more powerful than Marines, Cowboys, Knights, Boxers, and even Aliens. That is why they are banned from UFC competition.
  • No matter what anyone says, Chuck Norris is not a ninja. Call him one and a real ninja will come roundhouse-kick you in the face.
  • The purpose of the ninja is to kill people and look really cool doing it.
  • Ninjas see everything as a weapon. Don't let them run off with your curry, your spoons, or your teddy bear. Especially not all three at once.